Let’s talk a bit about the ins & outs of the etiquette in a German sauna, including the etiquette of being naked in a German sauna. ;-)

Don’t laugh, don’t giggle, don’t think I’m writing this for shock value. The German sauna experience — clothed or not — isn’t cheap and tawdry, it’s purely for health benefits.

The first thing you gotta do before settling into either a sauna or steamroom is shower, shower, shower.

Next, never let your skin touch the benches, always use a towel.

And while any one of you ladies might be sitting right next to a chippendales lad, it’s never polite to stare. The same holds true, of course, for you gentlemen sitting right next to a baywatch chick!

Oh, did I just gloss over the fact that men & women often share the same sauna? Nude? In North American culture, for instance, this is shocking, but not so in Deutschland.

Often a sauna will have same gender specific times throughout the day, so if you aren’t willing to go totally bare in front of the opposite-sex, check the schedule.

Some saunas will allow children, and if you’re gonna bring yours in to experience the “healing properties,” just make sure they keep the noise to a bare minimum.

Yeah, that’s about as easy to do as threading a needle with a limp spaghetti noodle. ;-)

Plus, leave your mobile phone outside. Besides the fact that a sauna’s climate is completely inappropriate for gadjets, no one wants to hear details about your sister’s nasty divorce or your best friend’s gastric bypass surgery. ;-)

Another no-no is either entering or leaving during the Aufguss, the “ceremonial” act of pouring water over the hot stones (times are posted). When all is said & done, it’s only right to applaude them for their efforts.

Just in case I’ve missed something, you’ll generally find a list of rules posted right outside the sauna doors.

Golfing has been called many things: an elistist sport, boring, and on the other end of the spectrum, the best game on Earth.

The sport didn’t originate in Germany, but now about 500 years after the game was created in Scotland, there are more than 600 courses found all over the country — and Spring and Fall are two great times to do it.

Yeah, yeah, summer too — in case you like the heat-filled season. ;-)

Playing a round or two of golf in Germany isn’t as easy as waking up one day saying, “I think I’d like to take a gander at whacking a little white ball with a club for 6,000 yards.”

It is, however, a fantastic way to relieve some stress.

C’mon, I can’t possibly be the only one out there that thinks whacking the bejesus out of something (in a constructive way) is a therapeutic. Don’t believe me, try it. Or, go to the gun range — that’ll work too. ;-)

Before you can get that kind of therapy on a golf course in Germany, you better have brought your Handicap Card from your local club back home. No card, no play.

Please, at least for you folks it’s a bit easier than what any German has to go through to get their “Platzreife.” That’s a “license” to golf, just like you need one to fish, but with a lot more hassle.

To get it, you better do 18 holes in less than 108 strokes (that would be bad on a par-72 course, wouldn’t it), AND take a written test.

Yikes, a written test to play golf? That’s German bureaucracy for you.

OK, got your handicap card or your Platzreife handy? Good, now all you need to do is book your tee-time. Again, punctuality. It’s the German way. :-)

As with just about every other country where you’ll find a golf course, you need to be considerate to your fellow golfers. Did the guys behind you catch up ’cause you were taking too long? Courtesy demands that you allow that party to proceed ahead of you.

Plus, it’s bad form to have your Blackberry or other electronic device ringing every time someone’s about to tee off or find their way out of the rough.

Otherwise, it might be “rough” to get out of a situation with a crazy German wielding a nine-iron. Nah, maybe not — it’s probably just me. Just tell me how much you love my blog… ;-)

The months of April, May, and June are an awesome time to find yourself in a number of German towns. I should say eat yourself silly in a number of German towns. All because of the Spargel, or asparagus to the English speaking readers out there.

Now I’ve said time and time again, this veggie really doesn’t get the respect it deserves. And most people just think of these green stalks served under Hollandaise sauce. Uh, they ain’t never showed up at a rustic German restaurant deadsmack in the middle of the King’s Vegetable Season.

Whether you serve or eat asparagus, it’s a very versatile veggie (and really healthy chocked full of potassium, folic acid, and some B vitamins) that can show up in a number of dishes.

A Couple Of Asparagus Recipe Ideas

A dish called Spargel-Nudelsalat mit Einern is a yummy pasta salad dish made with asparagus (hello!) and eggs.

Eggs show up again in the scrumptious Spargelsalat Vinaigrette recipe, thanks to Germanfoodguide.com.

For something a bit more hearty, try Kartoffelauflauf mit Spargel (Asparagus Cassarole) that’s got (besides asparagus) potatoes, ham, and creme fraiche.

Asparagus Tips

Because in Germany we eat an average of over 70,000 tons of asparagus a year (amazing since the country only grows just over 55,000 tons) we sure do know how to cook it. As if the recipes I just mentioned above didn’t prove that. So if you’re going to try making it at home here are a few tips.

Never cook asparagus in an aluminum pot; always cook in salted water with butter; and to check if what you’re buying is fresh—squeeze the end to see if any “juice” comes out. If it doesn’t, it’s not fresh.

Asparagus Hot Spots

Asparagus is so popular it’s no wonder there are quite a few festivals to the veggie. Schwetzingen holds theirs on the 1st weekend of May, Bruchsal is two weeks later, and Graben-Neudorf has theirs the same month, too.

Great, another way to eat great German dishes. Plus, it’s nice to be home—I’m from Schwetzingen! :-)

I found the Schnitzel Republic Blog on the personality traits of the typical German quite by accident.

Wow, are we really like that? In typical German fashion, I was obsessed (I mean, motivated) to find out if these were really true.

Stubborn & Argumentative

Germans stubborn? Wow, when a German’s got his mind to something — then nothing will detract him (or her) from their mission.

Case in point, 3 friends were coming home from a German club one night. The driver stopped the vehicle right in the middle of the street putting his car in park and absolutely refused to move until the €20 he thought was owed was paid right there on the spot.

The funniest part? They were 2 blocks from their house — the passengers could’ve walked home. But, noooo… they decided to argue it out in the middle of the street.

Stubborn? I’d say yes. Argumentative? Too. Maybe there is some merit to this.

Wow, that’s two typical German traits for the price of one story.

Tradition

I’d call it loyalty. Yes, Germans will find a brand they like and stick to it (you know, Mercedes vs. BMW vs. Audi). There’s something comforting in the fact that on the 2nd Saturday of the month when the moon’s in Aquarius with a Venus rising that there’s some event or another going on. Makes it easy to plan things that way.

Why is this a shock? Germans plan, plan, plan. One friend (me) will stare at you for a good 5 minutes before answering a question because he’s thinking how to answer. ;-)

Coldness

One non-German friend said, “the Germans started two World Wars, they’re not exactly the kissy-huggy type”; this in response to a lady asking why her new German boyfriend wasn’t romantically demonstrative in public.

This gives us the impression of being cold. We’re not really, we just believe in formality.

Humor

As cold as the world sees us, we’ve got a funny streak. Silly, nonsense humor isn’t going to do it for us — give us irony or vulgarity and we’re laughing til beer shoots out our nose (which isn’t funny, BTW).

Creative

Ever see a German’s eyes glaze over? They’re in deep thought as how to make something work better, faster, more efficient if you will. Some of the best inventions have come from the logical thought process that is a German brain.

Remember that when you brush your teeth with toothpaste or take some aspirin for a headache.

I would like to add one more.

Orderly

My grandmom used to say, “A place for everything, and everything in its place.” Yes, we’re a bit OCD in the whole keeping order department. We like things tidy with no clutter — chaos is a German’s Kryptonite.

Don’t believe me? Go mess up a German’s desk (kitchen, bathroom, whatever) and watch their whole world spin out of control. I’d gander that would be hilarious — unless you’re German, of course! ;-)

Or if you’d like to get up and travel to wherever your nose takes you? Don’t do that to a German. It has good, valuable reasons to plan out a route first to ensure the most efficient travel experience.

Conclusion

You know what? I must say that I’m happy to be stubborn, argumentative, traditional, cold serious, humorous, creative, and orderly. Oh, and I’m also glad to be efficient, punctual, reliable, meticulous, down-to-earth, honest, and a true friend. :-)

Between 3pm and 4pm millions of Germans stop for Kaffee und Kuchen, or a coffee and cake break, to help get them through the rest of the day.

I guess you could drink tea, but what’s the point (unless you’re in East Frisia)? ;-)

But, whatever you choose to drink, might I suggest some of these delightfully, sinful treats to go with it?

Bayerische Creme

Anyone who’s been to Dunkin Donuts knows the Bavarian Kreme donut is one of the coffee chain’s most popular. Ha, they don’t know what true Bavarian Creme tastes like — made with sugar, milk, and vanilla bean, you serve this up in a pretty dessert dish — not a Berliner (which is also great, BTW).

In case you want to make it (it’s not all that hard) — here’s the recipe.

Oh yeah, it just hit me — Bavarian Creme isn’t a cake. Ah, no matter, the dessert is the stuff of legend — from its creation all the way back in the 1300s. ;-)

But to stay with the cake theme, try the famed Berliner. It’s one of my all-time favorites.

Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte

The famed Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte, or Black Forest Cake in English, is a layer cake of cherry schnapps, cherries, chocolate, and heavy whipping cream. I think I need to let my pants out just writing about this decadent cake that’s popular all over the world.

Käsesahnetorte

Käsesahnetorte is cheese-cream cake, not a cheesecake. But, it is made with white cheese (called Quark), sugar, flour, and whipped cream. One thing: you’ll be disappointed if you’re into instant gratification — it’s got to sit in the fridge overnight to solidify.

Streuselkuchen

Yeah, it’s got all the basic cake making ingredients — sugar, butter, milk, and yeast. Yet, the crumb topping (make with vanilla sugar, sugar, and butter) is what makes this Crumb Cake the bee’s knees. ;-)

Linzertorte

I don’t care that the Linzertorte cake’s origins were in Austria (and baked in the Baden region since the late 17th century). I just know the inside is filled with almonds, rasberry jam, and cognac. Delicious!

Strudel

The Strudel has been a staple around many German kitchens since the mid-15th century. Today you can order it with just about anything on the middle from Blood Sausage to poppyseeds, fruit, and veggie versions.

Zwetschgenkuchen

Sounds like a mouthful, but Zwetschgenkuchen is just a delicious plum cake. The crumb topping is made just like a crumb cake — but the fruity goodness on the inside is what makes this a little slice of Heaven.

Excuse me, I have a date with a cup of coffee and that plum cake. Care to join?

I kind of got sidetracked when I originally went to write this. It was supposed to be about cities all over the planet that had a large population of Germans.

But then, that just didn’t seem like enough. As if 17% of the United States’ population being of German decent wasn’t enough, right?

What I found was that over a million people in Australia speak German, and the language is widely spoken in Namibia and parts of South Africa (but that’s about it on the African continent).

I also learned that 20 million people in South America (16 million in Brazil) alone speak German, which is only eclipsed by the 25 million German speakers in North America.

Did you know the first German settlers to the United States (except it wasn’t the U.S. back then) came in the 1680s, who settled in what became known as Germantown, Pennsylvania? The Germans might be gone, but the name still remains as a neighborhood of Philadelphia.

New York wasn’t to be outdone. They had a neighborhood in Manhattan known as Little Germany (Kleindeutschland). By the 1850′s they had the third largest German population, including Germany itself.

Other cities in the U.S. can also boast a large German population: Cincinnati, Cleveland, and Pittsburgh to name a few. Perhaps this is why all sorts of German-American Clubs have sprung up all over, and German-American parades take place on October 6th for German Heritage Day. New York, however, holds their German-American Parade on the 3rd Saturday of September.

What caused this mass emigration of the German population? Sadly, it was war and famine, mostly. (Learn more at the German Emigration Center in Bremerhaven.)

One of the good things to come from all the Germans that left Germany is they spread their culture around the globe, introducing Kindergarten and the Christmas Tree to millions of children and homes in the process.

Think about that the next time you put that star on your tree or send a little one off for their first day of school. ;-)

As I’m sitting here at the computer my attention is a bit distracted. I keep looking out the window to a veggie garden—grown totally organic. Yup, they didn’t use any chemicals or anything harsh to come between us and the corn, radish, lettuce, and tomatoes.

They’re just like a lot of folks in Germany who have taken to organic and “gone green.” And it’s not just amateur farmers.

Tell me that that yummy food bought at a local Farmers Market or picked right from a local orchard doesn’t taste delicious? Yeah, I thought so. ;-)

It’s more than just eating Bioprodukte (organic food) that makes Germany a leader in the green movement. Eco-tourism is big business here—in a totally environmentally friendly way.

Ever heard of a climate neutral hotel? No? Me either. That was, until recently. They’re popping up all over these days. So if you’re hell bent on saving the Earth one vacation at a time, consider staying at accommodations that strive for ZERO emissions and no carbon footprint whatsoever.

A night or two at a German farm or eco-friendly campsite would work just as good, I would think? You’d tell me if I was wrong, wouldn’t you?

I’m torn on the next part of being environmentally friendly. We Germans have a love of the automobile not seen by the likes of many others around the globe (I say it’s a healthy obsession). So, before hopping into your sleek, sexy, gas-guzzling ride, think about the impact of all the gasoline and emissions.

Yikes, did I just say that? OK, you can always ask for a hybrid instead.

I just hope they’ll bring out energy and/or hydrogen powered cars sooner rather than later.

For you diehard Greenies, don’t worry about the car; take public transportation, the train, or your own two feet for that matter (like I often do myself). There are hundreds of nature parks in Germany, not to mention over a dozen National Parks—all meant to be enjoyed on foot or bicycle.

Yeah, I guess I need some more of those organic veggies to keep me going.

Teaching your kids to be nice to our planet is another adventure. Good thing Germany’s got museums like the Klimahaus, an interactive museum in Bremerhaven that’s all about the weather and climate.

Munich has got an exhibit at the Deutsche Museum that details the horrid effects of our non-green ways. Even the car maker Volkswagen has jumped on the green bandwagon (or, should I say green Volkswagon?) with its Level Green exhibit in the city of Wolfsburg.

Do you think it would be bad form me to drive to the Level Green exhibit by car?

On second thought, maybe I’ll walk…

Scarlet O’Hara (from Gone With The Wind, if you’ve lived under a rock for the last 70+ years) said, “If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.”

Well, Ms. O’Hara, you wouldn’t have been hungry if you ate your way around Hesse. There ain’t anyway that anyone could go hungry around here.

Start with Kassler Rippchen, a smoked pork that looks like ham, but isn’t. Kassler Rippchen has got a deeper, smokier flavor. Fry it. Grill it. Bake it. Just serve it with some red cabbage or kale for a true Germanic culinary dish.

Yeah, talk about baking — try the Zwiebelkuchen. It’s a “cake” made with onions and served with sour cream. Try it right outta the oven for the best flavor — but still manages to taste delicious as a leftover.

Another goodie right from the oven is Wasserweck, a wheat flour bread that’s yummy topped with butter & jam, cheese, or a number of wursts.

One wurst that’s popular here is the Frankfurter Würstchen. It looks like a long, skinny hot dog — but it ain’t anything like it, even if you do eat it with mustard. The proper way to cook these bad boys is to drop ‘em in boiling water for about 10 minutes — but make sure you turn the flame off as soon as you drop them in.

Tired of the same old-same old with potatoes or eggs? Add some yummy Grüne Soße to them and feel your tastes buds pop with gratitude. It’s made with 7 different herbs — but only traditionally served from Holy Thursday (the Thursday before Easter) until the first frost shows up in the Fall.

Don’t have to worry about that if you live in a tropical climate, eh? ;-)

Make some Bethmännchen afterwards. These marzipan cookies with almonds and powered sugar are a sweet treat after a salty dish like Kassler Rippchen.

Uh, why am I talking to you when I should be munching on Bethmännchen instead. Thanks to Germanfoodguide.com, I’ll give you the recipe for Grüne Soße. This way I can enjoy my cookies… ;-)

Check out just about any travel website and you’ll find some “Top 10″ list of most beautiful hotels, creepiest hotels, or “Insert Type Of Hotel Here” kind of thing.

Germany is no different in this regard. It’s got all sorts of unique hotels for something other than some big-chain’s “looks no different than New York, Chicago, or London” type rooms.

For the really adventurous or folks tired of the “been there, done that” mantra, I got a few hotels in Germany that will make your stay… unique.

What got me thinking about this was hearing about the Canis Resort in Freising, a town close to Munich. One caveat: you can’t stay here — but your canine friend can; it’s a hotel for dogs.

While your pampered pooch stays here, you can make your way over to the Propeller Island City Lodge in Berlin. Twenty-five rooms all with different themes (a castle motif, a padded cell, a bed suspended by ropes) is a pretty amazing way to spend a night or two.

Also in Berlin is a hotel for art lovers. The Arte Luise Kunsthotel (with a view of the Reichstag) also has rooms where no two are alike, with names like Die Berliner, Three Monkeys, and Tree Woman.

The Igloo Village Zugspitze isn’t for the warm weather lovin’ crowd. Rooms in its 20 igloos are at a balmy 0°C (32°F), and the area has 360-degree panoramic views of the Alps. You can sled, ski, or snowshoe to your heart’s content, then eat up at the Glaciergarden Restaurant when you’re hungry.

For a prison experience without actually having to stay in prison, the Hotel Alcatraz in Kaiserslautern can accommodate. It does have regular rooms and suites, but you can stay in a Cell Room that’s stark just like what you’d find in a real prison. The hotel is near the Japanese Garden and Pedestrian zone — which you can enjoy since you’re not locked up behind bars.

When sleeping under the stars is more to your taste, do it at the Ein Bett im Kornfeld. It’s a “hotel” within a cornfield in Bad Kissingen. You’ll get an outdoor shower and hearty breakfast along with being able to sleep outside.

Oh, here’s the best one — the Roter Sand Lighthouse. This isn’t some shoreline lighthouse, mind you. It’s right out in the North Sea, and the only way to get there is by boat. There’s no electricity, no heat, and no drinking or smoking is allowed. If you can spend a few nights like this (bring your sleeping bag and towels), you’ll be treated to the crashing waves of the North Sea — and spectacular views from its observation deck. It’ll cost you, though, since your food and water are included in the price.

Talk about getting away from it all.

Got interested? I surely am. Here’s where you can book your hotel reservation in Germany.

I’d bet the farm that a good number of you out there think that every German man runs around in lederhosen, with a large beer stein in his hand all day long. While the ladies are skipping in their tight-fitting dresses to the bellowing of that big horn from the RICOLA commercial (it’s called an Alpenhorn, if you’re wondering).

It’s not everyday.

A good number of special events (Oktoberfest, weddings, Thursdays — ha, ha) could call for the donning of these outfits, and even you can buy yourself a lederhosen and a dirndl (as the ladies’ dresses are called). You just need to know what it is you’re buying.

Men, lederhosen is one area where you’ve got more to buy than the ladies since there’s a bit more to your outfit. You need your lederhosen, which are leather pants (with a decorative front flap) worn with either a belt or the more traditional suspenders.

Yeah, yeah, most people think the only color it comes in is green, but you’ll find browns and tans too.

Even shirts are embellished, usually with buttons or leather appliques worn under a vest or jacket (each sold separately, BTW); and we mustn’t forget the shoes.

By the time you’re said & done the entire lederhosen getup can set you back €300–400. Beer not included. ;-)

Ladies, the color of the dirndl is limited to the imagination of the designer or the wearer. You’ll find deep purples, rich greens, feminine pinks, and chocolaty browns to name a few, but it’s the tight-fitting bodice, full skirt (with petticoats), and matching (yet, contrasting) apron that makes an average dress a dirndl.

And length is a personal choice. They’re long skirted, short-skirted, and now you’ll find them with a mini-skirt. You’ll also find they’re quite easy to buy online, and a tad less expensive than the guys’ get-up (around €159 for a more economical variety).

You might, however, want to add a charming necklace to the dirndl — as many women do. And men, your outfit’s not complete without your hat.

Well, gotta go. Tomorrow’s Thursday, so time to break out the lederhosen. ;-)